Ancillary task first draft - Radio Advert

This is my first draft for my second ancillary task of my radio advert. In my next draft I want to make sure I keep the rule of three at the end and begin with the fact to grab peoples attention. However I want to change my wording in some parts as I feel it doesn't make sense or isn't as catchy as it could be. I also need to make sure that the times on my magazine article are the same on my radio advert. I am going to improve this in my final piece.